Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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