so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am mentally ready for anal.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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