Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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