Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
