I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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