At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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