nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
