Too much gin, very little bucket
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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