those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
