He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
