I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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