i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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