What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
