Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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