but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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