Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
