you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
