It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
