Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
