i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize