what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
