even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
