wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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