whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
