Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
