never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
