i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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