Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
