Don't you send me to vm
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
