my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
