bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
