I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
