Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
