I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
