and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
