I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
