Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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