Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
