She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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