I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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