dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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