I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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