12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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