My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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