I heard we made out
too bad you live with your parents still
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is it penis luge time yet?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
