I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
