DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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