If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
