He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
