It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
