I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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