what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
