Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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