i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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