Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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