I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
