On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
