She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize