it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
