Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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