I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
