In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
