Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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