i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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