My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
