Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
