Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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