I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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