his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
