My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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