between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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