so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize