We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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