I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
