it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
