girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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