The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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