these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
