he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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