it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize