wat bout pragnant strippers??
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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