my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
