I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
