one word: firstdatebathroomanal
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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