Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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