I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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