I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
