I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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