I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
