In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
