I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize