pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
