Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
